Monday, June 1, 2009

Dead Babies Speaking

Proverbs 14:12 "There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death."

Ephesians 5:11 "Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them."

It was about 10:12 am Sunday morning, and I awoke with a start. Something didn't seem right. And then I remembered. I sometimes volunteer at Hope Clinic on Sunday's, just as the sun is coming up.

Instead, the sun was blaring through the mini-blinds, and "Meet The Press" was recording in the distance. I didn't volunteer today, because I planned to take my son to see Pixar's "Up" instead. And then I heard the breaking news as husband flipped channels. About Dr. George Tiller.

The most notorious abortionist in the entire world. The partial birth pioneer who shot viable babies through the heart with Digoxin. Legally. Completely legally. Just as Dr. Josef Mengele did to Holocaust children in his twin studies. Sometimes Killer Tiller recommended a complete hysterectomy with a baby still inside. Often, he sucked the brains out of a completely viable partially born baby as he writhed in pain....

Dr. George Tiller.

Murdered. A moral murder.

I breathed deeply.
I laid back down and held my son. And I have to admit that I didn't shed a tear. I always wished for an end to Tiller's rage against babies. I figured it had something to do with almost his entire family being wiped out in a Yellowstone plane crash in 1970.

I was hoping that the end would come more peacefully, though I remember subconsciously thinking that Tiller lived in Wichita, Kansas and so did BTK.

I also remember driving to Cross Lake, Minnesota and my Grandparent's lakehouse over the years. We often stopped in Wichita, Kansas to eat and visit our Uncle. One summer we were driving down East Kellogg looking for Country Kitchen. I can recall a strange, cold feeling that stuck with me as we passed Tiller's Women's Health Care Services Building, my perfect 20-20 eyesight scanning the addresses for mommy and daddy.

Over the years, I held out hope that maybe Tiller's faith would intervene. Or that one of the babies he murdered would visit him in nightmares, and shake him to his very core.

So it was only natural that as the news blared in the distance, my thoughts turned to Baby Sarah.

I wanted to be the biggest, baddest pro-choice liberal in 1993. I adored Miss Hillary, and wanted to go to Wellesley like she had. I wished I could have protested Vietnam. Seen Woodstock in a VW bus. Been a flower child. And I daydreamed about studying law like Hillary. And being pro-choice.

I was a freshman in high school and a fan of The Real World: San Francisco at the time. Pedro and Puck were fighting every week, and for the first time, I saw AIDS up close. But, it would be Rachel Campos who I would seek to emulate.

Rachel Campos became my biggest hero. I tried to fight it with every fiber of my being, but I couldn't help but adore the pro-life Republican.

At the very same time, something unexpected happened that would change my political leanings forever. "Baby Sarah" survived an attempted abortion by Dr. Tiller in Kansas.

During the attempted abortion, Baby Sarah turned away from the needle. So instead of injecting the lethal drug into Baby Sarah's heart, Tiller injected it into the side of her head. This left her alive but blind. The trauma caused her mother to deliver early. Baby Sarah was born in the parking lot at Wesley Medical Center where hospital staff left her to die. A day later she was still alive. A hospital employee took pity on her, and she was adopted a few hours later by the Brown family. Baby Sarah died a few years later due to complications caused by the attempted abortion.

I kept trying to fight my Rachel Campos complex over the years. Each time it stared me in the face that I was a Republican masquerading as a rebellious left wing liberal, I tried to bravely run with the liberal agenda. I discredited the idea of voting on the single issue of abortion by telling myself that Al Gore would save our planet. That John Kerry understood the Vietnam veterans more than Bush ever could. That Hillary's health care plan wasn't so bad.

But, I kept coming back to Baby Sarah.

Those big puppy dog brown eyes begging Dr. Tiller to just slow down. Breathe in life. Just soak it in.

And then I forced myself to do the impossible. Be uncool.

Vote solely on abortion. Solely on abortion. With every election that became my goal. My duty.

As I drove home from seeing Pixar's "Up" with my son, I thought of where I often find myself on Sunday's. The Hope Clinic. And I felt such a sense of peace.

Sometimes, we have a small baby shower for a teen mom who is changing her entire life for that growing baby bump.

Other times, a girl walks in beet red, almost hyperventilating with fear of the unknown. She walks out an hour later with a smile on her face, knowing that she now has support. That she can do this.

If only Dr. Tiller.

If only you had stopped counting the millions in earnings for just one second. If only you had stopped thinking you were so powerful with that perfect record of never killing the mother, as you carried out pre-meditated murder. If only you had considered the fact that you only performed 1 medically necessary emergency abortion out of 2289.

If only you had stopped and looked for those precious smiles in the mom-to-be. The ones that light up the room at Hope Clinic.

Instead tonight, you see the thousands of babies you chose to murder. Safe in His arms. How very sad that you can only look from afar in shame at that most amazing sight.


  1. This is a boring blog. Who cares about your thoughts on abortion and such. You're probably overweight and don't exercise.

  2. Contrary to the anonymous weight speculator, I found your story far from boring. Dr Tiller wasted his life. Strange tat he died at church. I wonder if he ever truely prayed (and what he heard when/if he did).

  3. Contrary to the anonymous weight speculator, I found your story far from boring. Dr Tiller wasted his life. Strange tat he died at church. I wonder if he ever truely prayed (and what he heard when/if he did).

  4. revolutionary spiritJune 1, 2009 at 7:42 PM

    You never mention preventing unwanted pregnancies---that means breaking the taboo of sex in our society. We saturate children with sexual attitudes and pressures but expect them to abstain? That is not going to happen. We need to treat sex as it is a natural happening and to raise responsible adults. We need to have sexual education that teaches about condoms, pills etc and healthy behaviors without shame. It is when it is shameful and secretive that the problems start.

    We cannot dictate such a personal matter in a religious context. It must be framed within the practical.

    I want to make one last point since you spent so much time on Dr. Tiller--you cannot hate it or blame him. He was doing his job and he wouldn't do if it weren't for the demand--from the women. But sometimes a woman isn't given any other option. Don't put a happy face to a single teen mother.

    Lastly, there are more important things than abortion to fight.

  5. revolutionary spiritJune 1, 2009 at 7:44 PM

    p.s. after all can you blame the drug dealer for supplying the drug? or the trafficker the sex workers? Yes and no because the supply is there. No supply-no potential crime.

  6. Anonymous,

    You certainly can feel free not to read. Quite honestly, not everyone really likes politics, and who could blame them? But, it is a passion of mine, and I am doing the blog more for myself than anything.

    As for the fat comments, no I'm actually just where I want to be. I would love to debate abortion with you instead of something silly like a boring blog and weight. Love you.

  7. Uncle Dan,

    I wish I had Facebook about now! I really enjoyed seeing you're page and appreciate this nice defense of me that you offered.

    I also wonder about Tiller who was a church usher and Lutheran like my family. We are as Lutherans often pretty complacent with popular culture, gay marriage, and all. I'd be interested to know more about him too. Did he worry about Baby Sarah? Did he offer to help care for her? It doesn't sound like it! Thank you so much for this visit!

  8. Revolutionary Spirit,

    As for Tiller and the demand for abortion, I hear you dear. I really do, husband made the same argument last night. This goes against my less government attitude, but abortion starts with government first.

    In Catholic El Salvador, abortion was completely outlawed. Did it stop? No way. But, it was back-alleyed. Remember that when I speak of Tiller, I speak mainly of late term, partial birth abortions. A viable baby....

    If our government outlaws abortion, and Tiller can't work, abortion WILL continue. But, this infanticide will be much, much lower because now it's in a back-alley. It's dangerous to the WOMAN now. Oh no, we can't have that. It needs to be easy like it was with Killer Tiller. Who had a perfect 2289-0 record of never killing mom.

    That's how we slow and stem the tide of abortion, which affects mostly minorities. I cringe as I imagine a hispanic girl with no English being told it's a good method and smiled on by Planned Parenthood.

    And if we make it back-alleyed, most moms aren't going to want to risk their own lives. Remember that Reagan said that "most people who approve of abortion have already been born."

    Abortion is the reason this country can never be great. It's also the reason sweetie, that we will never be able to relinguish and fully become Democratic, repeal torture, etc....

    Tiller was SO not doing his job. Remember he was on trial for breaches in ethics since to have a late-term abortion you must have sound medical reasons. Did he? No way. Remember that a late term abortion at Tiller's was scheduled weeks in advance and takes several days to perform. Only once in 2289 cases was it medically needed at his office, meaning mom was in danger.

    Most of the time, he is killing for no reason other than that mom didn't use condoms, or that there is a downs baby she loathes. This is the closest thing we have to true infanticide and the Jahiliyya revisited.

    Is abortion practical? Not really. You suck the brains out of baby and you see it. And you just go on? In Tiller's world you do! We have to come at it religiously, just as we do with thou shall not kill.

    Oh sweetie, I hear you about abstinence. It never works. Listen the problem is the more sex-ed we give kids, the more they learn about abortion? Why? Because Planned Parenthood has a monopoly on handing out condoms and teaching it. And it comes with a price. Go into PP to get condoms alright. But, while there, let them show you how easy it would be to make that baby disappear...You see I see abstinence on the Republican agenda as simply a reaction to trying to get PP out of the way...Love you!

  9. Revolutionary Spirit,

    It IS supply and demand. But, now we are statistically 51% pro-life women and 49% pro-choice in this country. The pro-life agenda has made progress in recent years with girls my age.

    The thing is you have to cut off the supply from the top, not the bottom. That means you have to cut the head of the snake which is the govt. who loves abortion and the doctor who provides it safely FIRST.

    Then and only then, can you cut off the legs which are the women who believe in choice, a.k.a. infanticide.

    They can certainly feel free to get a back-alley abortion. But, they are also free to now put their lives in danger for that desire. I say bring the clothes hangers on and eliminate the anesthetics, the shot to baby's heart, and the sink to suck the baby into.

    Eliminate holding your aborted baby and having a funeral (I swear to God Tiller the Killer had that option for his "patients"!)

    Force mom to put HER life on the line to commit murder. Force HER to make hard choices in a back-alley with a coat hanger or baseball bat. I just don't care, and I know it seems mean, but abortion is our dirtiest secret in this country!

    It's our babies RS, it's our future in this nation! And all too often, these little babes are minorities. At this point, how is Planned Parenthood giving abortions 90% of the time to Black and Hispanic girls, different than my Black friend's idea that the U.S. purposefully infected Africa with AIDS?

  10. I tried posting here yesterday and lost my comment at the last minute! Anyway, what I wanted to say is (with all due respect to your readers) I think it's quite ridiculous to say that Tiller was just doing his job. Everyone has a choice in life and doctors, especially, have many choices when they decide how they want to practice medicine-and none of them are really a sacrifice! He wasn't helping people by offering a service; he was enabling people to commit crimes!

  11. Umm Omar,

    I am so relieved to hear that the clinic shut down permanently. Now, late-term abortion is impossible from Denver to Chicago! I am glad that at least some good can come out of this tragedy.

    Tiller enabled all of his staff and these women who weren't desperately in need of a late-term abortion to commit crimes. Right on! And I guess it was supposed to make the woman feel better that she could hold her aborted baby (it makes me sick to imagine!) and even have a funeral in Tiller's office.

    Wonder what the bill for a psychologist over the years will be for her?? Where did Tiller leave all of the women he *helped*? That's what makes me sad, that's what is so criminal.

    Elective abortion is wat it was in all but one case. None were sextuplets, no mother's life was in danger. We know it because it takes several days, even weeks to perform an abortion like this. Sad.

    Love you so much sweetie! Thank you SO much for being here!

  12. I'm in Wichita and last I heard a Dr. from Nebraska who sometimes worked with Tiller is planning on taking his place since he can't do the late term legally in Nebraska.
    I was actually quite shocked when I heard the news of the shooting but it quickly gave way to nausea when there was all the candlelight vigils and such memorializing what a wonderful and great man he was blah blah blah.
    Alot of the late term abortions he performed were for women with babies that had severe defects. The reason these are late term is bc normally a woman won't find out there might be a problem until the 20 week ultrasound, and then get an amnio which can take 2 weeks to get the results back. By the time the termination is scheduled they're well past the 22 week mark.
    I'm hesitant to judge a woman that would abort due to fatal conditions such as trisomy 13, 18, anecephaly, etc. However, an awful lot of them were also babies with trisomy 21 or Down syndrome. Being the parent with a baby with Down syndrome I think it is absolutely disgusting that someone would "rid" themselves of a totally viable baby with a non fatal condition. Women came from all around to have their babies with Down syndrome aborted by Tiller.
    Tiller also performed your ordinary run of the mill abortions. So don't let anyone tell you he was giving them a needed service to keep their babies from living a life of suffering (heard that quite a bit these last few weeks) cuz that just isn't true.

  13. Hi Stephanie,

    Thank you so much for this great comment.

    I have loved this blog world for a long time. One of the ways I came into it was via:

    She lost her baby after being given a terminal diagnosis in month 5. I started reading all of her friends blogs including fake friend Little April Rose who lied that she had a Trisomy 13 baby.

    I think just because of Angie and little Audrey Caroline, I hesitate to even consider aborting an extreme Trisomy diagnosis. Angie got to hold her little girl for a precious two hours before she passed on, but it meant the world. They had special photos, hundreds really taken.

    Because of Angie, I know how I'd handle that diagnosis now.

    And yes, Tiller often aborted Down's babies. So sad that they were brutally murdered, I know your baby boy is so cute and you could never imagine doing it...I feel so bad for you imagining this and living close by!

    Oh gosh I know Wichita a little bit from my Uncle living there. And I remember his office on Kellogg. You guys have had it rough! First BTK, then Tiller....I'm just glad both are away and you are safe from the craziness.

    I wish they would tear down his office, sounds so crazy to me Sweetie, that they may consider opening it to the Nebraska doctor. He is like a walking target, a sitting duck! I smell some lawsuits coming, as more and more especially in Kansas are pro-life despite Kathleen Sebelius' best attempts.

    Love you lots! So happy to see you here!

  14. Hi Stephanie,

    Oh I'm praying for you so much! You have been through a lot and I'm really proud of you for being so strong in the face of this test! Love you so much sweetie.

  15. I think Dr. Tiller's murder is a terrible thing. How can someone take away another's life for a PRO-life agenda?

    "p.s. after all can you blame the drug dealer for supplying the drug? or the trafficker the sex workers? Yes and no because the supply is there. No supply-no potential crime."

    YES! They are not the ones to blame for an individual's addiction, but they do play a huge part in the problem. Can you NOT blame the ring leader of a group of murderers/hit men for supplying them?

  16. I agree that all life must be respected dear, and I also think that some pro-lifers only approve of protecting babies.

    But, then again Joy Behar only seems to want to protect animals....

    I won't lie and say that I'm not incredibly happy that now there's only 2-3 late term providers in this country. Tiller knew his work was dangerous....And your last point is right on! Great comment!